The ABCD’s of Self-Talk
What does it mean if I have negative self-talk?
It means you’re human and you are alive! This is because our brains have evolved to be incredibly good at keeping us safe, and self-talk, believe it or not, is a protection mechanism.
You may think that having self-talk means something…I lack confidence, I have imposter syndrome, I don’t love myself, etc. But what is self-talk really? It is all just thoughts. We have thousands of thoughts a day that float by our brains like clouds in the sky. The problem is when we grasp on to those thoughts and try to control them, which often solidifies them.
You might want to change the negative thoughts you have, but trying to change it will often have the opposite effect you desire. It may be counterintuitive, but when we allow thoughts to just be thoughts, and bring awareness and acceptance to whatever thoughts might arise, that is when you will find the biggest shifts happen.
ABCD’s for how to manage negative self-talk
A - Awareness and Acceptance: Notice the thought, i.e. “oh, I am feeling really self-conscious right now.” and follow that with, “it is okay to feel self-conscious. That’s normal.”
B - Body and Breath: Get out of your head and focus on your breath and your body. This will bring you into the present moment and interrupt the spiraling thoughts. Use the mindfulness techniques listed below.
C - Comfort yourself: Say some comforting words like “everything will be okay” or “you can do hard things” and give yourself some comforting touch like putting your hand on your chest. Knowing that our brains skew toward the negative, intentionally skew toward the positive.
D - Discerning fact vs story: Facts are things you can see on a video camera or hear in a microphone. Story is the meaning we make about this. Make two columns on a sheet of paper and challenge yourself to be real about what is a fact and what is a story.
Tools and supports for your journey
Practice mindfulness and meditation
Inhale your breath into your lower abdomen and focus on breathing from that place for 5 breaths
Focus on feeling your feet, or wiggle your toes and pay attention to what that feels like
5 senses exercise: Name 5 things you can see, 4 things you can feel (i.e. back against chair, etc.), 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, 1 thing you can taste
There are great meditation apps out there for beginners or people who aspire to a daily meditation practice, e.g., Calm, Headspace which is a great starting place.
Practice self-reflection
Journal
Leave yourself voice memos and listen to them back
Talk it out with yourself (out-loud)
Find safe spaces where you can explore self-awareness & self-compassion
Speak with a trusted advisor
Talk with a therapist
Use Tara Brach’s RAIN method
Hire a coach
Let me know if you have any tips or tools that work for you. I would love to hear from you!
